I need to do what all writers and concerned friends of writers counsel and Just Write the First Draft. I know that, but the fears of inadequacy, they cripple me. And they have spilled over into my dreams of late.
In one dream, I had to infiltrate a diabolical sect, but I couldn't even worship the Devil correctly. He refused me!
Last night, I dreamed that I could not take a photograph to save my life. Everything was against me: the light faded; no matter how hard I tried, the image refused to be framed correctly; the camera malfunctioned. Lots of factors outside my control, but I stupidly just kept pushing the button, pushing the button. Finally I turned to another subject, but again, everything went wrong. I thought that I should stop and check my camera, see if it was on, if it had charged batteries, etc. but no, I kept pushing the button.
So I woke up this morning, secure in the knowledge that I feel inadequate, that I have performance anxiety. Only, I already knew that. What I need now is the kick to get me past it.
I don't know what to do besides accept that this draft will not be perfect--nor will the next--and just keep typing one word after the next. Yet, that feels frighteningly like pushing the button.
Any advice from the masses who have trod this hellishly hard way before me?
Two Lelo chapters to go, and 2.5 for Srila.
FWIW, no writing tomorrow. Going to Paris. I'll do tomorrow's "writing about writing" question on Monday.
And be happy, too. Especially considering I've hit the 97K mark on this novel. I *really* want to keep it under 120K and I have 7 more chapters to write. If I can keep them around 3K each, I should be OK. One that comes in at a mere 1.6K is just fine and dandy. :) In fact, I'll take another.
ETA: Started next chapter: 430 words. Thanks, frigg , for telling me I should. :P
Besides all the hassle and hustle-bustle of moving and getting back in touch with family, friends, and country that one has left for 3 years, I foresee a slacking of pace once I finish up Mirco's chapters. Which will happen by next Monday. I did the easy POV lines first, Baxente and Mirco, easy because their stories are independent of the other three POVs for the moment and I could write each one straight through.
When I get back into Srila, Qeoe, and Lelo's POVs, I'm going to have to worry more about timelines and how quickly info can travel, etc. I won't be able to get into one voice and write to the end of the line because what happens in one's POV will affect the other characters' actions and reactions. Fun in its own way, but trickier--for me--to write.
I'll climb that peak of plot mountain when I come to it. Now back to Mirco and my third chapter of the week...
Despite the various headaches, doubts, and thorny problems thrown at me of late by my two projects, despite being ill, getting flooded-out, and going on vacation, I've had two very productive months. With only three days of non-writing, my totals look like this:
46 days = 47,146 on The Bitter River
11 days = 13,020 on Witherwilds
For a grand total of 60,166 since Jan. 1st. Probably two of the most productive months I've ever had with my writing because the prose is sound. Well, more so than the NaNo project where every paragraph contained at least one sentence in all caps.
I've also ironed out a few more kinks with the Witherwilds trilogy, and the overall plot arc is looking more sound while the world's mythos continues to deepen and expand. I just have to keep reminding myself to have fun with it. What's the point of writing fantasy otherwise?
So, the ending is not for tonight. But I'll get it tomorrow. Just watch me.
ETA: I wanted to edit this and now can't remember why.
53,435 / 60,000
I'll probably post another meter later in the day just because seeing silly little things like this makes a difference to my trickable writer brain.
There have been a few words, so I'll do a meter (notice I've dropped my expected total from 80K to 60K):
52,020 / 60,000
As things stand with the WIP, I have 50,275. I'm thinking I have five major scenes to show in order to finish this skeleton. So, I'm going to say I need 30K more. That's the number I'll be aiming for to make concrete progress reports, but my true goal is to finish this
Since frigg obviously plans on keeping me here, at least for another month, I figure I had best start taking this blogging seriously. I've been planning on making progress reports on my writing, speaking more about my writing thoughts, etc. but I've been feeling too under the weather to do it. I still feel blurk--I shouldn't even still be up--yet, here I am trying to start the week off right.
Words for today: 105 (I'm amazed I was able to wrap my head around that many)
Words this month: 13,153 (aiming for 25K/month; will get one of those handy word meters soon)
Typo of the day: Typo(s)? Who knows. I'm too tired to look.
Darling of the day: it is much more likely that I had a typo than a darling today :o)
And now I will leave you with a general apology to anyone I've inflicted with one of my crits lately. I don't feel like I can write anything coherent; have no idea what makes me think I can review coherently...