Please be rude, crude, and socially unacceptable

[wayfaringwordhack]

Someone asked me yesterday to share with her any crude ways of saying, in English, to do one's business, and all I could come up with was "take a dump." I'm sure cruder stuff exists, but I was at a loss to come up with any.

I don't know if I've been away from English speaking countries too long or if I never hung out with the "right" people and actually learned those quaint phrases.

So, if you'd like to enlighten me, so that I might in turn enlighten my curious French friends, please be gross in the comments.

Comments

[jongibbs.livejournal.com]

In England, the polite version is "Number two". There are many ruder ones, but I'd be too embarrassed to say them, even if I knew :)

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

But it's the rude stuff I need. :P I do understand about feeling embarrassed. Shall I translate one from French first to break the ice, so to speak? :P

[paft.livejournal.com]

"See a man about a dog" is an old euphemism I used to hear. And I once heard someone call refer to it as "a hard fart."

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

Ah, I've heard "see a man about a horse" but never a dog! I forgot about that one.

[clarentine]

My 20-yr-old says "drop the kids at the pool."

There's also, of course, to take a shit.

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

"drop the kids at the pool"

Thanks! That's exactly the type of thing I'm looking for. :D

[pjthompson]

A friend of mine from the deep south used to laugh every time someone said they were "crunching numbers" because in Mississippi, "crunching" meant...taking a dump, dropping a load, browning one's pants...

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

Dropping a load! I couldn't remember that one, but I knew there was one with load. Thanks. And thanks for the others, too. :D

[pjthompson]

...pooping, cr*pping, taking a cr*p, taking a sh*t... It's curiously liberating to be given permission to talk crudely. I'll stop now.

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

No!!! Keep going. :P

People did not play along as much as I wanted them to.

Here's one translated from French:

He has a chocolate biscuit on the tip of his lips.
("au bout des lèvres" in French, but I guess we would tend to say on the tip of his tongue. blurk.)

[pjthompson]

...taking a dump, shifting a load, making caca, dropping logs, and that temporarily exhausts my download, HOWEVER, there is this:

http://onlineslangdictionary.com/thesaurus/words+meaning+to+defecate,+poop,+shit.html

Laughed so hard I cried. What can I say? I'm a sucker for poopoo humor. (Which is almost as disgusting a phrase as chocolate on the lips.)

When in doubt, google

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

*clicks*

"Blumpkin" O.O Do people really do that????

There are some "good" ones on there. I shall be able to save the honor of English speakers now. :P

Re: When in doubt, google

[pjthompson]

I only read through page 3. I was reading at work and laughed so much I embarrassed myself. My favorite of the ones I read: giving birth to a state trooper.

The slang dictionary is a great resource.

Re: When in doubt, google

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

The slang dictionary is a great resource.

It certainly is.