wayfaringwordhack | However this may sound, this is NOT me looking for reassurances

Sometimes--very often of late, if I'm honest--I go through one of those why-in-the-world-do-I-think-have-what-it-takes-to-be-a-writer slumps. In fact, I've gone through multiple ones just today. Slump, slump. Slump. Thump!

I honestly wonder why I keep writing, why I keep playing with stories, when I obviously have some serious lacuna in my storytelling know-how. No matter how I try, how much I think I know about all the little bits that go into great stories, I still weave yarns that are lacking. I have to ask if it is sheer stupidity that keeps me butting my head against the storytelling wall. If I *know* things, why can't I *do* them? I can't even see how it will be possible to do them in another draft. It's as if something is hardwired into me that keeps me from telling a story that will move readers or hold their interest.

Part of me says I'm putting too much pressure on myself for a first draft. A bigger part of me refers the pansy part to the above statement about it not being possible to improve one of my second drafts.

Everyone has a story to tell, people are fond of saying. OK, fine, but should everyone tell a story?

That is the question.

*sigh* All right. Back the story, stupid.

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Ok, aside from a slight headache and very ouchy sinuses this morning, I'm feeling better, well enough to answer your comment, I think.

1) Thank you for the link to that Lemony Snicket pep talk. It does help to put things in perspective. :P I also read a post on resolutions on terribleminds (http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2012/12/31/25-writer-resolutions-for-2013/ -- not opening for me for some reason, but maybe it will for you) that helped me come at the problem from another angle, despite the over-the-top vulgarity and a tasteless mention of a gangbang. Anything to get me out of my head and moving forward.

2) This is a lovely, scary offer. Lovely because I really enjoy reading your blog (hint, hint) and getting insights into the world through you. Scary, because, girl, you have an awesome brain that I much admire. I would hate to come off as a hack in your eyes, but I would wholly expect you to tell me if I did. I would hate it, but I could take it. Also, I'd feel like a total waste of your time if I showed you my crap first drafts. But, it would be a joyful, time-saving thing to have your help getting unstuck and getting things right (or righter) closer to the get-go.

As for having other readers, once upon a time, I had quite a few, not all of them exactly on the same page but close enough. Alas, Life has happened for almost all of them and I find myself with few readers and people to read for these days. I'm loath to rejoin the OWW because of slog it is to collect good critters.

So to sum up, I'd be honored to be writing buddies with you.

3) The book I'm working on now has a big personal element in it. But I don't think I'm doing it justice. That is unfair, actually, since I haven't finished it yet. What I mean is, I'm having a hard time with a character whose arc comes closest to that Personal Stuff.

I'm still stumbling over that not-easy-but-correctible-in-revision stuff you mention, too. I think I fall too much into the good writing (but not even because I end up trying too hard, perhaps) and not enough into telling a good story.

And nothing pretentious here. See above comment about me liking your brain. :P

However this may sound, this is NOT me looking for reassurances

the brain is on the mend