Checking in

[wayfaringwordhack]

Julien: Thanks so much for the good thoughts for Julien.  We won't have an answer about the embassies for a couple of weeks, at least, but he feels like his interview went well. All we can do now is hope. His professional experience is what it is, and there is nothing he can do at this point to make himself a likelier candidate. There is nothing he can do if the posts are filled by people who had nepotistic backing or people pulling strings for them. We shall see what we see.

Soëlie: She's not gaining enough weight. I wasn't worried at first, but then nerves and stress and fatigue and second opinions all started getting the best of me. It has been a weepy few days. Our family doc asked us to weigh her several times a day and come back next Thursday to look at the recorded results so we can make further decisions as to what to do. The doc is not too worried at this point, saying that she may just be slow to take off, but still... I'm carrying a guilt monkey the size of a gorilla, thinking it is all my fault.  I gotta just breathe and let that go.

Me: See above.  Oh, and I have a cold. So does Soëlie. 

Comments

[mindseas.livejournal.com]

Ben didn't put on a lot of weight at first, so I supplemented breastfeeding by starting him on solid food (thin oatmeal, my diary says) when he was two months old. That worked fine.

[kmkibble75.livejournal.com]

That's awful to go through... And I realize saying this will do absolutely no good, but I'll say it anyway -- not your fault unless you keep forgetting to feed her, which I doubt you do. Can't be. So please do try to keep yourself from feeling that way.

[sunflower-sky.livejournal.com]

Fingers crossed for Julien!

My babies start out as the stars of the well-baby care centers here, doubling their birth weight in two months and such O.O but I know women who were consistently made to feel like failures because their babies didn't "meet the standards". One in particular told me about how she would come out of there crying every time, feeling like she was a terrible mother who couldn't feed her children properly, and she'd go out and buy everything they had recommended--avacados and whatnot--and still, the babies just stayed small. It so happens that she and her husband are little people to begin with, and eventually she just resigned to the fact that they are below average in terms of size and that's just the way it is and her kids are still healthy and happy despite being frowned upon by the well-baby care nurses.

Actually, now that I think about it, Hallel got the "FAILURE TO THRIVE" stamp during those horrible months when he was sick so much and wasn't gaining a lot of weight. What an awful, distressing term. I hope she starts plumping up soon.

How has the nursing been going? Take note that she may not gain very well while she has a cold, so it may be okay to put off the decision until she's feeling better.

There's nothing you can do to banish the guilt gorilla, but you can make him less nagging and unfriendly by taking him off your shoulders, looking him square in the eye and saying, "I realize that you are here to make sure I give my baby the best care possible. Thank you. Now it's time to go sit in your cage while I carry on with my life."

Write the following on a sticky note and stick it on your mirror: "I am an excellent, loving and patient mother." Say it aloud after you brush your teeth morning and night, and whenever you hear other voices in your head telling you otherwise.

And if you need to get your milk supply up, rumor has it that fennel tea and beer can help (in Israel we have a non-alcoholic beer we call "black beer"... but one bottle of regular beer is fine for nursing, or so I've read). But more than anything--sleep! So get those naps in!

Lots of positive vibes!

~D

[frigg.livejournal.com]

It's not your fault. Hopefully, her weight will corret itself and otherwise, I'm sure the doctor will have some good and helpful advice for you on Thursday.

[stillnotbored.livejournal.com]

That the little one isn't gaining fast enough is not your fault. And having fought that battle with hormones and being so tired all I could do was cry, I know you're not going to believe it. :) Not until Soelie gets round cheeked and plump.

I was a child development major and taught parent education classes for over ten years. I come at this with both knowledge and personal experience.

Keep in mind not gaining weight quickly is not the same as not gaining weight at all. Some children gain more slowly. What is "normal" varies from child to child, depending on her metabolism and genetic background.

Eating is work and some babies are just plain lazy. Bottle feeding is easier--and less work for the baby--so this is more often an issue with breastfeeding. Some babies nurse enough to stop the worst of the hunger pangs and then go back to sleep, or the act of nursing plain wears them out. It is entirely possible that your milk is rich enough, she just doesn't stick with feeding long enough to get truly full. Try tickling her feet if she drifts off while nursing and keeping her awake to eat more. I don't know how often she wants to be nursed, but if she is going more than two or three hours between feedings during the DAY, try and get her to eat more.

Also, go here:
http://www.llli.org/France.html

La Leche League was founded decades ago for the sole purpose of supporting and helping mothers breastfeed successfully. That link is for the league in France, but the website has tons and tons of information and forums for mothers. Support from other mothers is a wonderful thing. Ignore people who treat breastfeeding as the one true religion and you should find information that will help you get past this rough patch.

And if you do have to supplement with formula, or pump and give her breast milk from a bottle, it's not the end of the world and it certainly isn't a personal failure.

You guys are going to be just fine. Promise. :)

Fingers crossed for Julien.

[rabiagale.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

I know it's hard to believe, but it's NOT your fault that Soelie's not gaining as much weight as the doctors would like. Stress isn't going to help and you have to make allowances for you both having a cold right now. Isaac dropped off the charts during his first year because he lost weight while he had a cold; a couple of weeks later he was back on track.

stillnotbored has some good ideas about keeping her awake for feeding. I used to keep a damp washcloth on hand and stick it on the poor baby's neck to wake them up if I felt they were falling asleep too quickly. Tickling toes and undressing baby are also tactics I've tried.

[navicat.livejournal.com]

Everyone here has wonderful, helpful, 'know what they're talking about' suggestions. I'm afraid I have none. But I'm still sending you guys heaps of love *HUGS*

[learningtoread.livejournal.com]

I had no idea the hormones took so long to leave a woman's system and your normal hormones had to level out after birth. It was a good three months until I was back to myself -- but when I got there, I was completely me again, so that's the good news.

I honestly don't remember much about those first months of Verity's life except things like her crying all afternoon 'cause of gas, my milk going away after three weeks and feeling guilty about that, pain from the C-section, not being able to even fold laundry because my lower back hurt so bad...

You're doing better than you think. Really. Be patient and forgiving with yourself now. *hugs tons*

[melinda-goodin.livejournal.com]

Chiming in here as another mum who had a baby who was slow to put on weight. Josh was a lazy feeder who never quite got to grips with breast feeding. I ended up needing to put him on formula supplements which helped to plump him out, and by about 4-5 months he was solely on formula. I was having a stressful time (relationship issues) which definitely impacted on my milk and relaxation issues.

As Sunflower_sky said, the guilt gorilla is trying to help you be a good mum, but is being overenthusiastic. And hyped on hormones. Soëlie is best-loved, and you are doing all that you can

'Tis a problem that babies do not come with instruction manuals or control dials. (I don't know why. Definitely a flaw in our manufacturing process. I shall write a grumpy letter of complaint to the management)

[footlingagain.livejournal.com]

Can't add anything that will be of any use in terms of practicalities, but there's oodles of wise and kind advice above, so you don't need my theoretical wibblings ;)

But I can add loads of love for all three of you and an affirmation that you are amazing and, I am sure, an absolutely wonderful mother.

So there :p

[cathemery.livejournal.com]

What everyone else said - with an extra hug. :)

(Well, except for the experience parts!)

[cathemery.livejournal.com]

And I'm sorry you are both sick! You will both do and feel much better when you get rid of that cold!

[pjthompson]

I'm just getting around to my LJ backlog, sorry I didn't see this before. I hope your adorable girl starts to thrive very soon. I'm sure you're doing everything right.

Love and hugs.

[goblinwriter.livejournal.com]

Hope you are feeling better and the baby is doing well.