The Wayfaring Wordhack

I have not been faithful about keeping this space up to date.  Too much going on and not good enough Internet coverage to make it worth the struggle.  In a nutshell, as you know, the year fell apart from its predicted end with the conflict between our neighbors to the south. 

I did go home to France with the kids, where I proceeded to get some gardening done between the rare bouts of combined wellness and dryness (it literally rained for weeks on end, and the viruses came thick and fast and circulated mercilessly between the four of us).  Going back home was not in vain; I now happily have six new asparagus plants, which will be just about ready to harvest when we leave Lebanon for good.  If we leave when planned. More on that in a minute. 

I also pruned almost all of my red raspberries; transplanted--with the kids' help--my golden raspberries; tip layered multiple shoots of my tayberries; transplanted thornless blackberries; and--again with the kids' help--got one of our strawberry beds thinned out, weeded, and covered in landscape fabric (not a favorite technique of mine, but let's face it, when you have a lot of land and don't live on a place year-round--and even when you do--you spend a LOT of time weeding if you don't use some serious suppression tools).  I planted some garlic cloves in the chicken run and also stuck a few hazelnut cuttings in the ground to see if any take.  Wild ones do when we use them as support posts in the garden, so there is no reason I shouldn't get some nice starts from this named cultivar.

My husband joined us on Dec 16th, and we spent Christmas with his mom and brother at our place (where we possibly got them sick; they are sick now, but was it our fault?).  I got a horrible ear infection and couldn't go down with J and the kids to see J's dad.  I have no more pain, but after three weeks and two courses of antibiotics, I still have mucus in my sinuses and a constant whine in my right ear. Thankfully I had no pain while flying back to Lebanon.

So, yes, we are back in Lebanon, despite there being no improvement in the situation, instead arguably a worsening.  But it is not frightening on a personal level. There is danger in the air, but we are not the target or near the areas/people that are.  And so we will remain here en famille until something changes.

In thinking about what I want out of 2024, I reflect on what did not go exactly as planned in 2023, namely fully participate in my painting course this fall.  I would like to just move on and paint my own stuff, but I feel I missed out on some fundamental concepts despite completing the exercises at a later date.   I can certainly be excused for my lack of focus.  While I have access to the course until next fall, I think I might be better served to retake the course now, on my own.  It won't be the same as doing it with all my fellow students, but I am still part of the community as I shared before.

My main objective is to "sit and seek" through January in terms of what I want of the year, especially on a spiritual level, but in terms of art, I am sure enough that I will re-take the painting class, then commit to one painting a week.  I also want to work on the illustration front and must think of beneficial objectives to move me forward there, too.

I would like to write, but at the moment, I am not at all in that headspace.  

My head is in a sort of limbo thanks to J's boss, who does not like anyone being here with their families.  J just applied for his 4th year, which would begin 29 Dec 2024, and we have heard a rumor that two requests for the 4th year were denied. There just happen to be two colleagues here with their families, J and one other.  We should have already found out if we were staying or not, but Not-Nice Boss decided to circumvent the normal chain of information, go behind everyone's back, and send his verdict straight to Paris.  It is a mess to explain, but suffice it to say, Not-Nice Boss didn't want to risk justifying his decisions (one person asked him to do so, and he was highly offended that he should have any kind of accountability to those beneath him. He Spoke. So Be It.  Great boss material, yeah?)

So, until we are certain of our stay, I don't know how to go about settling in to this (possibly) last year.  We had thought to visit the States (first time in over 9 years) at the beginning of summer, but if we move back to France this winter, that won't happen.

Enough rambling.  I hope your 2024 is off to a great start.  Despite the meh tone of this post, mine is fine; and it is nice to be back in our community of friends.

 We will fly out Monday in the afternoon, at a later time-slot than normal, which will give us only a 2hr layover instead of almost 5. Huzzah!  And our lovely neighbors are coming with two cars to take us home, keeping me from having to arrange a taxi-van.  I am so grateful to them, especially since we live an hour away from the airport and arrive at 10:30 p.m.

Another wonderful thing is that we were able to change the departure date for our pre-paid tickets in December, so this flight isn't costing us anything.  A true blessing given the unplanned escapade to Cyprus and all the expenses thus incurred!

How hard it was to decide whether or not to stay in Lebanon as things escalate.  Finally, J and I decided I would come to Cyprus with the kids. I am with a friend and her three kids, too, and we are waiting for news of what to do...Return to our husbands in Lebanon or take our kids back to our home countries (France for me and Switzerland for her).

The kids had the crud just before we decided to leave, I had the crud during the decision-making process but felt a bit better when we flew out, and now it seems the crud wants to hang around some more.  (Fatigue and stress make great bedfellows with illness.)  It makes it even harder to be lucid and definitely harder to parent well.  Thank God, D and her kids are with us because it is a big help to have someone come alongside and share the burden.

Many of our friends left, but plenty stayed behind.  I had planned to stay, too, but I feel I am needing to yield a bit more to the wisdom of others and not think I can know or handle everything.  Especially not how much trauma is "good" for my kids.  That might be an enigmatic statement, but I don't have the energy to unpack it right now.  Anyhow, I left our home there with the intention of going back and now I regret the way I packed accordingly.   C'est la vie.  And we, unlike so many others, still have that life.

J had to remain in Lebanon for work. After Macron's visit to Tel Aviv, there will likely be more attacks on the French embassy in Beirut, but this time the Lebanese army and police should be better prepared for it. :/

Sprout turned 13 the day we arrived here.  Well, we arrived--after much delay--on the 21st, but we were still at the airport when it ticked over to the 22nd.  I wished her happy birthday, then, and we tried to make Sunday a bit special for her.  I don't think it did much good.  And J's birthday is today.  The kids are bummed about not being with him.

And as I say each little whingy thing, I am eternally grateful that we are all well and have the funds and "right"* nationalities to get out of dodge.  Although my nationality is not always well seen, and D always introduces me as being French, which flies a bit better in these parts than being American.

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*Lebanese nationals are refused in many countries, they tell me.  So many that I know are always trying to get dual citizenship with another country.  The guy I sat next to on the plane was telling me of all the countries where maybe he can buy a passport or him and his family.

 (Kifkon = Levantine Arabic for how are [plural] you doing?)

I am fine but in an odd limbo-mode with the return to Lebanon.  The mode isn't necessarily bad, just business as usual* with a helping of sliding back into a home after three months' absence.  I don't really recall this sensation upon my returns to Egypt after extended stays in France, but I think the difference boils down to the fact that in those other stays, I was not at my own home.  As much as I appreciate many things about my mother-in-law,** living with her for months at a time was seriously draining in a way that made it a relief to get back to Egypt and my own place, however hot, polluted, and noisy it was.

In addition to having my Color course at the end of this month, I have an overwhelming desire for a bit more structure and repartition of my creative forces.  Make that my "forces" tout court.

I haven't written in so long, and I want to be writing.  I find this talk pretty motivational:


I took the art courses to get better at illustration (knowing the courses are NOT geared to that, but any skills are good skills and many things translate between fine art and illustration), but I haven't worked at all on my picture books.

I was pretty single-minded with the course, and I feel like I wasn't present enough with the kids. That needs to change and I need to do better during the next module.

I want to get in better shape. There is nothing good about the shape I am in now.  I am not genetically predisposed to thinness, nor do I have what would be considered a good metabolism, suffering instead from hormonal imbalances that make attaining/maintaining a healthy weight more difficult.   Aside from being in my late forties now, I have been dealing with a two-year-long bout of tendinitis in my left shoulder (and I am a lefty), which was preceded with a knee-injury that also came and went with varying degrees of fierceness for a two year period (and I still get flare-ups when something else is out of whack).  All that to say, I've found it too painful for too long to be active.  And any claim to good muscle mass I once had disappeared in a scarily fast way as a result of my inability to function normally in my body.  I am fed up with it, though---and a bit scared that it is getting too late--and want to do something about it, even if it is just simple stretches every morning.  I may not be a waif, but I am (or was) a lot more flexible than many waifs I know, and even my flexibility is going, making me feel so old and stove up all the time.  So baby steps, but STEPS instead of just "waiting for the pain to pass."

I am at the "I have to get started making changes" stage but don't want to shoot myself in the foot or take on more than I can handle.  I am considering how all of these desires can be addressed with a "one degree of change" mentality.  I heard someone giving an analogy about how trying to affect permanent change à la New Year's Resolutions is synonymous to stretching out a rubber band. It does change, but when you release the unsustainable force of keeping it stretched, it returns to its normal shape.  I don't want to be the rubber band; there are only so many of those stretches and rebounds one can do before cracks start appearing in the rubber and the inevitable happens. By stretching the band just a bit at a time, you can more easily coax it into a new shape.  There are problems with the analogy but the point resonates with me.

We are probably going to take a short trip for my birthday, which means that any schedule I get going will temporarily be set aside again. But that is precisely the kind of thing I need to learn to deal with.  I ALWAYS get thrown off track by something not being the way it usually is, but as I have said before, we have constant disrupts to our everyday normal with J's work and our educational choices.

What works for you in trying to form new habits or keep habits going in the face of uncertainty and frequent change?  Do you track things, use daily lists, time slots, project files ...?  Ugh, my brain is still a bit jet-lagged; I can't think of proper terms.  Just tell me whatcha got, if you've got anything. :P

Enough about how I am.   How are you, and what are you up to?

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* You know, trying to judge when we actually have city water by listening for a pump to come on and praying we can get enough water into our tank not to have to pay a private company to come and fill it for us; not being able to drink from the faucets, dealing with cockroaches everywhere, neighbors afflicted with hearing loss, drivers who think everyone in the village needs to hear how loud their hotrods can be...  On the power front, things are better; e have constant electricity "switches" or micro-cuts (from generator to gov't elec) but so far only one 30 minute cut.

** An unfortunate incident happened in the extended family at the beginning of summer that doesn't involve me, husband, or kids (thankfully) that really brought home to me the depth of difference between me and my mother-in-law.  I already knew much about our differences, but oh my, her brain and analysis of situations and the way to proceed, does not AT ALL align with my own.  I like to think I am the one living in the margins of normal.

I like to imagine that come January, say, 4th or 5th, our life is going to be fairly calm, just drifting along in an unhurried, relaxed way.  The move will be past us, we should be settled in with few social engagements, and I will be able to write and do art and potter around the garden and...
 
Yeah, I know it is only a daydream, and there is Always. Something. To. Do. (it is a sign we are alive, right?)  But I do like to pretend. :P

Already, I know that at the end of March we are going to get to go to Anafora!* For those who don't know, when we lived in Maadi (part of the Cairo metropolis), we liked to spend time at Anafora, a Coptic Monastery/Retreat Center.  My Women's Bible Study** at Maadi Community Church  has a retreat at Anafora every spring, so I decided to travel back for it this coming year since we are so close to Egypt once more.  It will be a short trip, but I am really looking forward to it, as is the rest of the family who understandably insists on not being left behind.

We are also going to travel back to France for a greater period of time this summer, probably close to 3 months for the kids and me.  J, with work here, obviously doesn't have that luxury; so he will fly there with us, stay a week or two, then return to Lebanon, and then come back to France at the end for another week or two.  

And the kids are already asking to spend next Christmas back in France with family.  Lots of traveling in our future. Which means preparation (some of that translates into planning now because J, in order to have a better chance of getting the periods he wants, has to block in his vacation requests at the beginning of the year, like in two weeks maximum).

So, yeah, sitting back and relaxing, is not going to have a lot of space in my life in the coming months.  And that is OK.  I shall take the moments when I can and savor them because they are moments spent with family whom I love and friends I appreciate so much.  I live a very blessed life. <3
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* Yesterday and this morning, I spent a loooooong time looking back at my "life in egypt" tags to find something to link to; alas, I see I never made a good post about Anafora, or if I did, I did not tag it well. :-/. This is the post that, even though it isn't about Anafora, comes the closest to conveying something about it.  Funnily enough, I have a slew of Anafora photos on my laptop now from a photo card we had failed to erase.  So, since they date from 23 Dec 2016, maybe, if I have the time/energy, I will post some of them as a reminder as well as something to compare our next photos to (Bishop Thomas is always innovating; and Anafora was always evolving and improving. As are we all, n'est-ce pas?). 

Reading through my blog reminded me of so many things about Egypt, some of which I remembered perfectly and other things I had "swept under the rug."  My posts about life there remind me a lot of my posts here: "Got the crud,"  "got the crud again," "apartment hunting stress," "crazy landlord...crazy prices...."  and so on and so forth.

** Thanks to Zoom, (and covid, actually), for the past two years, I have been able to follow this study with a group of ladies instead of just listening to it on a podcast by myself as I did after leaving Egypt.  Amy, the teacher, always gives me great things to think about, and it is nice to be able to discuss things with others instead of just mulling over them by myself.

- For lunch, J is making a tajine.  We don't have pre-made ras el hanout, so I mixed some myself from my well-stocked spice cabinet.  I could smell the spices as I crushed them in the mortar.  :D My sense of taste is also slowly coming back, and I hope I'll be able to enjoy the tajine in more than just an olfactory way.  Sprout and I made a cinnamon roll cake the other day, and all I could taste was the sugar, not a hint of cinnamon.  In other ick news, I am much better today, with only a stuffy head.

- I am once again faced with a problem with the cardigan regarding the size.  This time it involves the sleeve.  For my size, the pattern says I need to keep doing increases, making the top of the sleeve wider and wider.  I am fine with it being a bit roomier there so I can put it on over bulkier clothes, but it is getting--what seems to me to be--excessively large. Faced with the conundrum of following the pattern or making adjustments now only to find the join between sleeve and body is not nice, I have opted to lower the number of increases and risk ripping it out later if I have to.

- We are going to Turkey for Thanksgiving. :D  I didn't want to say anything certain until hotel and tickets were booked, but as of last night, that is taken care of.  Please don't laugh, but part of the reason we are going to Istanbul now is that we were invited to three different Thanksgiving meals and I didn't want two of the families to feel rejected.  :P So there you go.   It will be colder in Turkey than in Lebanon, and I hope we don't regret traveling in November.  

- I finished one of my chapters for TKB and so have completed part of my fiction goal.  Going to work on it some more now.

- I have been drawing from photos using the blind-contour technique, but I think I need to shift to more applied line-work to really nail down a character.  The days are ticking away until the character design workshop, and I am sure I am going to feel like a complete idjit at the beginning because of my lack of skills.  *deep breath*  That is OK.

With April came more clement weather in Lebanon, so we did a couple of day trips as well as our most recent overnight stay in Batroun (actually Kfar Abida) and then camping along the Nahr el Jaouz River.

We kicked off the month by joining some friends for a visit to the Aammiq Wetland.  Sadly, there weren't many fowl to be seen, and for those present, I did not have the right lens for wildlife photography.  We also saw stripe necked turtles, including adorable babies, snakes, toads, frogs, a very large centipede, and an awesome praying mantis (empusa pennata).  I really need to find a good nature guide to the country's flora and fauna.  The French cultural center's library does not have one. :(

Since I have no nice fauna pics, enjoy some a snap* of place instead: 

( Photos this way )

I see a common thread of water throughout all these pictures, which reminds me how very different the country is to Egypt.  I could also make a post of all the lovely wildflowers. :)


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* This is a very short version of what I wanted to do because I realized I was selecting photo after photo to share. :-/

** It was already after noon, and the sun was beating down on a very hungry family who wanted to find a place to eat lunch. And yet, though hungry and hot, that family has children, children who need to examine this tide pool and that...and that...and that, making it necessary for the parents to act like shepherds (while feeling more like yippy herd dogs) who felt guilty about taking time to position themselves just so for a perfect photo. ;)

 In a month and a half, the family and I shall haul those travelin' bags out once again and make another international move.  This time we are heading to (max 4 year stinit) Lebanon, a beautiful country, but perhaps not the easiest choice at this particular point in time.  Still, we are looking forward to this new adventure, and we have a lot to do to get ready for it still.  Something made less easy by the fact that the kiddos and I have caught ourselves a case of COVID.  I am almost completely over it, just a bit of coughing here and there and an occasional spell of lightheadedness, and my taste and smell have come back after less than a week gone.

I had plans for doing NaNo this year--doing that crazy "Oh, let me take on a huge challenge right before moving" thing that I do--but with the virus, I gracefully bowed myself out of any such shenanigans and will apply myself to writing at a more amenable time.

We have known about the move for quite some time now, but it has seemed to sneak up on us at last.  Wish us luck with squaring everything away in time.  Now if they would just let us know our official departure date. :P

 ...bite your nails and worry that you are missing a vital document when you are applying for government-issued papers, ie passports?

Yeah, me too.  I have double-checked the list of required documents at least five times (quintuple checked?) and I am still sure I am forgetting something.  We are driving 4+hours to Paris tomorrow because our first appt to get the kids their American passports at the US embassy is at 9h45 on Wednesday, much too early to drive up the day of.  So, if I forgot something, well, that will be a trip for nothing.  Not too mention months of time. I had to book this appointment 1.5 months ago.

As of yesterday, we are homeowners. For Real. First time in ... 11 years. I'm excited in more ways than I am going to take the time to express. :P

A guy from the moving company came by this morning to estimate how much stuff we want to ship back to France. His estimate: 12-13 cubic meters. J's and my estimate: 4-5 cubic meters.

Comment and say who you think is closer to the truth. :P In any case, we pay on the real cubage, not any estimates. I. just.want. my. boxes.  Ms Antsy? That's me.

As soon as he left, I got online and booked a moving van to haul all our stuff that is in storage at my mil's up to our new abode. Hoarders Extraordinaire? That's us.

Seriously though, we have all sorts of stuff that we always knew we would need once we settled down again.

So our coming weeks look like this:

This week - Get boxes and start packing
May 20th - Celebrate Ti'Loup's 1st Birthday!!!
More weeks - pack some more
July 4th - Finally "Bye Bye, Egypt" for four of the Faures
July 8th - move into new home
unpack moving van stuff and wait for maritime shipment to arrive, probably mid-August - September.

Which means we have to be super careful how we pack from here. Cast iron skillets weigh a lot, but I will have put mine in my suitcase. Can't live without them for months. :P