Owning the brokenness

[wayfaringwordhack]

The manuscript I'm working on, the one I promised to finish a draft of by Sept 1st because I believed it was pretty sound--unfinished ending aside--is broken.

It is painful, but I must admit that my memory of a fairly sound draft does not match the reality. There is no way I can uphold my promise to Julien to have it submission-worthy by Nov 1, no way to meet my own standards in the time I have.  Especially since the story is not singing to me, not even humming. It sounds like an excuse to say that, to try to get out of writing because I don't feel hot, passionate, consuming story love. So many times I've read about the importance of showing up, of sticking with the story and pushing past any discourage sloughs of Blah. But. But.

I have so much to do, so many projects, and a baby who is a major monopolizer of my time and energy; and I think, why?  Why should I pursue something that my heart is not in right now?  Why shouldn't I turn my passion and my spare moments to working on something that brings me joy?

I promised, that's why. But when the black hole of no-inspiration-and-even-less-desire strikes*, that doesn't seem a good enough reason.

I told frigg that I should perhaps work on two projects simultaneously, only working on the "fun" project (WW2) after spending a set amount of time on the "promise" project.  Time, though, is in short supply.  Now I just sound whiny.

I just need to make time. And get inspired.

Anyone want to share how they get fired up about/deal with a project that has fizzled?


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* can a black hole strike? :P

Comments

[clarentine]

Speaking for myself, I can attest that being just plain tired can affect in a huge manner my ability to reach that state where I can create words. Stress and all the things that went with moving (twice!) with people and creatures dependent upon me meant it took me two years to rewrite a manuscript. There were many days I got not one word. When I simply could not brain, no matter how much time I had to stare at my computer screen. Did I finish? Yes. Was it fun? Hell, no. I only kept going because I got crazier the longer I stayed away from making the attempt to work on the writing.

Your situation is not mine, of course, but I think it's worth observing that there is value both in (a) flogging oneself forward regardless of how worthy one thinks one's work is and (b) cutting oneself some slack when no amount of flogging is producing forward motion. Cannot is not the same as don't wanna. My suggestion: try identifying your location on that spectrum and adjust your game plan accordingly.

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

I can attest that being just plain tired can affect in a huge manner my ability to reach that state where I can create words.

A huge lightbulb went off in my head when I read this. It makes me realize how out of touch I've gotten with myself as a creative writer person.

I need to do some resourcing (Do we say that in English?).

[clarentine]

I need to do some resourcing (Do we say that in English?).

If we do, I don't understand the idiom. >:-) I'm glad I could light up your day, anyway!

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

I was cleaning out my inbox and realized I never responded to this.

"se ressourcer" can be translated as "recharge my batteries," or "get re-engergized."

[clarentine]

Thank you! I like to know these sorts of things, and French is probably the only main European language I have no grounding in.

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

Let me know if you need grounding with any other French expressions. :D I'll do my best to help. :P