I will not be derailed

[wayfaringwordhack]

 After doing a great job meeting all my art goals, I had a rough beginning to this week, starting with a stomach bug and um, all that ensues.  This is exactly the sort of thing that comes along and totally knocks me off track when I set myself a certain goal.*  When one has work or school, say--some outside entity holding one responsible for work accomplished--it is easy (easier) to look at what needs to be done and get back to doing it.  I always lack that with my personal goals. 

Now that I am better, I am going to dust myself off and get back at it.  I think that "Ok, what did I miss and what do I need to make up?" has been missing from these derailing incidents in the past.  Not the looking at it and seeing what needs to be done,** but the attitude of "outside entity" and treating my projects with the same respect I would treat a friend's or employer's projects.


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* I have been doing stuff but not the stuff I said I would do, thereby assuaging any feelings of failure.  This might read like I am coming down hard on myself, but that is not what I am getting at.  I am trying to understand the psychology of how I drift away from doing the thing I said I would do; how it is that one day I look up and say, "Hey, wasn't I supposed to be doing X?  Whatever happened to Y intention?"

** I almost always look and often feel overwhelmed by a sense of "being too far behind," whereas what I want to cultivate is the idea that accountability to and respect for myself is valid and deserves my follow-through.

Comments

[asakiyume]

I feel like it's also worth considering the purpose of self-discipline and whether the discipline you're trying to enforce is doing the thing you want it to do. With outside obligations, there are plenty of ways people have of putting pressure on you (plus you putting pressure on yourself)--which makes for pressure in your life, you know? So when it comes to your own goals, I feel like adding pressure is only worth it if the pressure is going to help you accomplish a thing and *not* having the pressure means you risk failing to accomplish it.

I also feel like *failure* is a pretty heavy word to use when--as I understand it--what you're working at is building skills. If you miss a day or two because you are sick, does that mean failure? That seems super harsh. ... And in life, if you have 7 obligations and only 6 units of energy instead of your usual 7, because you are sick, then something does have to give, you know?