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wayfaringwordhack (Kifkon = Levantine Arabic for how are [plural] you doing?)
I am fine but in an odd limbo-mode with the return to Lebanon. The mode isn't necessarily bad, just business as usual* with a helping of sliding back into a home after three months' absence. I don't really recall this sensation upon my returns to Egypt after extended stays in France, but I think the difference boils down to the fact that in those other stays, I was not at my own home. As much as I appreciate many things about my mother-in-law,** living with her for months at a time was seriously draining in a way that made it a relief to get back to Egypt and my own place, however hot, polluted, and noisy it was.
In addition to having my Color course at the end of this month, I have an overwhelming desire for a bit more structure and repartition of my creative forces. Make that my "forces" tout court.
I haven't written in so long, and I want to be writing. I find this talk pretty motivational:
I took the art courses to get better at illustration (knowing the courses are NOT geared to that, but any skills are good skills and many things translate between fine art and illustration), but I haven't worked at all on my picture books.
I was pretty single-minded with the course, and I feel like I wasn't present enough with the kids. That needs to change and I need to do better during the next module.
I want to get in better shape. There is nothing good about the shape I am in now. I am not genetically predisposed to thinness, nor do I have what would be considered a good metabolism, suffering instead from hormonal imbalances that make attaining/maintaining a healthy weight more difficult. Aside from being in my late forties now, I have been dealing with a two-year-long bout of tendinitis in my left shoulder (and I am a lefty), which was preceded with a knee-injury that also came and went with varying degrees of fierceness for a two year period (and I still get flare-ups when something else is out of whack). All that to say, I've found it too painful for too long to be active. And any claim to good muscle mass I once had disappeared in a scarily fast way as a result of my inability to function normally in my body. I am fed up with it, though---and a bit scared that it is getting too late--and want to do something about it, even if it is just simple stretches every morning. I may not be a waif, but I am (or was) a lot more flexible than many waifs I know, and even my flexibility is going, making me feel so old and stove up all the time. So baby steps, but STEPS instead of just "waiting for the pain to pass."
I am at the "I have to get started making changes" stage but don't want to shoot myself in the foot or take on more than I can handle. I am considering how all of these desires can be addressed with a "one degree of change" mentality. I heard someone giving an analogy about how trying to affect permanent change à la New Year's Resolutions is synonymous to stretching out a rubber band. It does change, but when you release the unsustainable force of keeping it stretched, it returns to its normal shape. I don't want to be the rubber band; there are only so many of those stretches and rebounds one can do before cracks start appearing in the rubber and the inevitable happens. By stretching the band just a bit at a time, you can more easily coax it into a new shape. There are problems with the analogy but the point resonates with me.
We are probably going to take a short trip for my birthday, which means that any schedule I get going will temporarily be set aside again. But that is precisely the kind of thing I need to learn to deal with. I ALWAYS get thrown off track by something not being the way it usually is, but as I have said before, we have constant disrupts to our everyday normal with J's work and our educational choices.
What works for you in trying to form new habits or keep habits going in the face of uncertainty and frequent change? Do you track things, use daily lists, time slots, project files ...? Ugh, my brain is still a bit jet-lagged; I can't think of proper terms. Just tell me whatcha got, if you've got anything. :P
Enough about how I am. How are you, and what are you up to?
______________
* You know, trying to judge when we actually have city water by listening for a pump to come on and praying we can get enough water into our tank not to have to pay a private company to come and fill it for us; not being able to drink from the faucets, dealing with cockroaches everywhere, neighbors afflicted with hearing loss, drivers who think everyone in the village needs to hear how loud their hotrods can be... On the power front, things are better; e have constant electricity "switches" or micro-cuts (from generator to gov't elec) but so far only one 30 minute cut.
** An unfortunate incident happened in the extended family at the beginning of summer that doesn't involve me, husband, or kids (thankfully) that really brought home to me the depth of difference between me and my mother-in-law. I already knew much about our differences, but oh my, her brain and analysis of situations and the way to proceed, does not AT ALL align with my own. I like to think I am the one living in the margins of normal.
I am fine but in an odd limbo-mode with the return to Lebanon. The mode isn't necessarily bad, just business as usual* with a helping of sliding back into a home after three months' absence. I don't really recall this sensation upon my returns to Egypt after extended stays in France, but I think the difference boils down to the fact that in those other stays, I was not at my own home. As much as I appreciate many things about my mother-in-law,** living with her for months at a time was seriously draining in a way that made it a relief to get back to Egypt and my own place, however hot, polluted, and noisy it was.
In addition to having my Color course at the end of this month, I have an overwhelming desire for a bit more structure and repartition of my creative forces. Make that my "forces" tout court.
I haven't written in so long, and I want to be writing. I find this talk pretty motivational:
I took the art courses to get better at illustration (knowing the courses are NOT geared to that, but any skills are good skills and many things translate between fine art and illustration), but I haven't worked at all on my picture books.
I was pretty single-minded with the course, and I feel like I wasn't present enough with the kids. That needs to change and I need to do better during the next module.
I want to get in better shape. There is nothing good about the shape I am in now. I am not genetically predisposed to thinness, nor do I have what would be considered a good metabolism, suffering instead from hormonal imbalances that make attaining/maintaining a healthy weight more difficult. Aside from being in my late forties now, I have been dealing with a two-year-long bout of tendinitis in my left shoulder (and I am a lefty), which was preceded with a knee-injury that also came and went with varying degrees of fierceness for a two year period (and I still get flare-ups when something else is out of whack). All that to say, I've found it too painful for too long to be active. And any claim to good muscle mass I once had disappeared in a scarily fast way as a result of my inability to function normally in my body. I am fed up with it, though---and a bit scared that it is getting too late--and want to do something about it, even if it is just simple stretches every morning. I may not be a waif, but I am (or was) a lot more flexible than many waifs I know, and even my flexibility is going, making me feel so old and stove up all the time. So baby steps, but STEPS instead of just "waiting for the pain to pass."
I am at the "I have to get started making changes" stage but don't want to shoot myself in the foot or take on more than I can handle. I am considering how all of these desires can be addressed with a "one degree of change" mentality. I heard someone giving an analogy about how trying to affect permanent change à la New Year's Resolutions is synonymous to stretching out a rubber band. It does change, but when you release the unsustainable force of keeping it stretched, it returns to its normal shape. I don't want to be the rubber band; there are only so many of those stretches and rebounds one can do before cracks start appearing in the rubber and the inevitable happens. By stretching the band just a bit at a time, you can more easily coax it into a new shape. There are problems with the analogy but the point resonates with me.
We are probably going to take a short trip for my birthday, which means that any schedule I get going will temporarily be set aside again. But that is precisely the kind of thing I need to learn to deal with. I ALWAYS get thrown off track by something not being the way it usually is, but as I have said before, we have constant disrupts to our everyday normal with J's work and our educational choices.
What works for you in trying to form new habits or keep habits going in the face of uncertainty and frequent change? Do you track things, use daily lists, time slots, project files ...? Ugh, my brain is still a bit jet-lagged; I can't think of proper terms. Just tell me whatcha got, if you've got anything. :P
Enough about how I am. How are you, and what are you up to?
______________
* You know, trying to judge when we actually have city water by listening for a pump to come on and praying we can get enough water into our tank not to have to pay a private company to come and fill it for us; not being able to drink from the faucets, dealing with cockroaches everywhere, neighbors afflicted with hearing loss, drivers who think everyone in the village needs to hear how loud their hotrods can be... On the power front, things are better; e have constant electricity "switches" or micro-cuts (from generator to gov't elec) but so far only one 30 minute cut.
** An unfortunate incident happened in the extended family at the beginning of summer that doesn't involve me, husband, or kids (thankfully) that really brought home to me the depth of difference between me and my mother-in-law. I already knew much about our differences, but oh my, her brain and analysis of situations and the way to proceed, does not AT ALL align with my own. I like to think I am the one living in the margins of normal.
no subject
Date: 28 Aug 2023 12:02 pm (UTC)I dunno that what works for me is gonna work for you because you're that person who always has to be flexible about the stuff going on with your family, no? So, what I might say is you should think about becoming a little ruthless. If you want an hour, say, to exercise, don't let anyone take that hour away from you—however good their reasons may be for wanting to take it away from you.
no subject
Date: 29 Aug 2023 01:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 1 Sep 2023 05:40 am (UTC)Yes, I am *that* flexible person. I did get better at putting my boundaries in place at the beginning of this year with my larger community. But I still have work to do on the home front.
I need to be more ruthless with others and myself, instead of bending every which way.
no subject
Date: 28 Aug 2023 12:53 pm (UTC)My shoulder is luckily getting better, and I hope to be able to be able to start working out properly in a few months.
It's probably somewhat laughable for me to give advice for getting into habits, but the times I've gotten into good habits and kept them up for longer periods of time is "just do it" and not think about it, beyond what I'm going to do, literally, during the next minute. E.g. put on sports bra, then when that's done, go downstairs to gym... and well, you get it. The same with writing: open file, write 10 words....
Once I get started, it usually starts flowing.
no subject
Date: 28 Aug 2023 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 1 Sep 2023 05:52 am (UTC)Vive le flow!
Date: 1 Sep 2023 05:44 am (UTC)I actually like your advice. It is very sound, especially in terms of keeping the feeling of overwhelm at bay.
I crave a flow and taking one step at a time to get into sounds like a surefire way to get there.
Re: Vive le flow!
Date: 1 Sep 2023 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 29 Aug 2023 01:45 pm (UTC)It's definitely hard to keep habits up when things are always changing. For me, it helps if the unit of time for the habit thing is small, because then it can be slotted in at other points in the day. Fifteen minutes of a yoga app are more do-able than 30 minutes, etc. Fifteen minutes is not much, but it does help with flexibility, in my experience! (And I don't do it every single day, which maybe puts the lie to "can be slotted into other points in the day," but I think it's more that I'm not giving it high enough priority.) The *only* time I regularly write is time I schedule once a week with a writing buddy. We check in with each other, write for half an hour, and then check in again. I do sometimes write at other points, but that time is the only certain time. I sometimes have to cancel, but mainly we meet. So sometimes having another person in on it helps, is what I'm trying to say.
Realistic has to be the name of my game
Date: 1 Sep 2023 05:50 am (UTC)And large time chunks are the absolute hardest to respect, especially with three kids constantly around me. Sometimes I think I can beat the odds and get up early to get time to myself, but then that is the day that they wake up early, too. LOL
I am going to think about how I can incorporate the Buddy System more. I have a friend here in Lebanon with whom I check in with on Saturdays, but she, too, has three kids and work and Arabic lessons, and sometimes she has nothing to report. Strangely, it makes me feel like rather than motivating it her, I am stressing her out if she doesn't get her creative time in. I also check in with May and another friend via email on Saturdays, but it isn't like we ever "write" together... Like I said, I need to reassess. Thanks for the food for thought.