Where I am and half-thoughts of where I will go

[wayfaringwordhack]

I have not been faithful about keeping this space up to date.  Too much going on and not good enough Internet coverage to make it worth the struggle.  In a nutshell, as you know, the year fell apart from its predicted end with the conflict between our neighbors to the south. 

I did go home to France with the kids, where I proceeded to get some gardening done between the rare bouts of combined wellness and dryness (it literally rained for weeks on end, and the viruses came thick and fast and circulated mercilessly between the four of us).  Going back home was not in vain; I now happily have six new asparagus plants, which will be just about ready to harvest when we leave Lebanon for good.  If we leave when planned. More on that in a minute. 

I also pruned almost all of my red raspberries; transplanted--with the kids' help--my golden raspberries; tip layered multiple shoots of my tayberries; transplanted thornless blackberries; and--again with the kids' help--got one of our strawberry beds thinned out, weeded, and covered in landscape fabric (not a favorite technique of mine, but let's face it, when you have a lot of land and don't live on a place year-round--and even when you do--you spend a LOT of time weeding if you don't use some serious suppression tools).  I planted some garlic cloves in the chicken run and also stuck a few hazelnut cuttings in the ground to see if any take.  Wild ones do when we use them as support posts in the garden, so there is no reason I shouldn't get some nice starts from this named cultivar.

My husband joined us on Dec 16th, and we spent Christmas with his mom and brother at our place (where we possibly got them sick; they are sick now, but was it our fault?).  I got a horrible ear infection and couldn't go down with J and the kids to see J's dad.  I have no more pain, but after three weeks and two courses of antibiotics, I still have mucus in my sinuses and a constant whine in my right ear. Thankfully I had no pain while flying back to Lebanon.

So, yes, we are back in Lebanon, despite there being no improvement in the situation, instead arguably a worsening.  But it is not frightening on a personal level. There is danger in the air, but we are not the target or near the areas/people that are.  And so we will remain here en famille until something changes.

In thinking about what I want out of 2024, I reflect on what did not go exactly as planned in 2023, namely fully participate in my painting course this fall.  I would like to just move on and paint my own stuff, but I feel I missed out on some fundamental concepts despite completing the exercises at a later date.   I can certainly be excused for my lack of focus.  While I have access to the course until next fall, I think I might be better served to retake the course now, on my own.  It won't be the same as doing it with all my fellow students, but I am still part of the community as I shared before.

My main objective is to "sit and seek" through January in terms of what I want of the year, especially on a spiritual level, but in terms of art, I am sure enough that I will re-take the painting class, then commit to one painting a week.  I also want to work on the illustration front and must think of beneficial objectives to move me forward there, too.

I would like to write, but at the moment, I am not at all in that headspace.  

My head is in a sort of limbo thanks to J's boss, who does not like anyone being here with their families.  J just applied for his 4th year, which would begin 29 Dec 2024, and we have heard a rumor that two requests for the 4th year were denied. There just happen to be two colleagues here with their families, J and one other.  We should have already found out if we were staying or not, but Not-Nice Boss decided to circumvent the normal chain of information, go behind everyone's back, and send his verdict straight to Paris.  It is a mess to explain, but suffice it to say, Not-Nice Boss didn't want to risk justifying his decisions (one person asked him to do so, and he was highly offended that he should have any kind of accountability to those beneath him. He Spoke. So Be It.  Great boss material, yeah?)

So, until we are certain of our stay, I don't know how to go about settling in to this (possibly) last year.  We had thought to visit the States (first time in over 9 years) at the beginning of summer, but if we move back to France this winter, that won't happen.

Enough rambling.  I hope your 2024 is off to a great start.  Despite the meh tone of this post, mine is fine; and it is nice to be back in our community of friends.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

Thanks for the update! It's odd how attached one grows to people whose diaries one reads—-despite the likelihood that one will never meet these people. 😀

[wayfaringwordhack]

You are welcome for the update, and as silly as it may sound, I am glad it is well received. I dislike when I feel like I am always coming back to whinge about something. There are always--literally every day--things I would like to journal about and then whoosh goes my time. I know it is just this season in my life, but this time, like the others, merits being recorded for many reasons, too!

[mallorys_camera]

Trust me—-however commonplace your life may be to you, it is extraordinarily interesting to be in Beirut at this particular historical juncture. If you wrote a memoir about yr day-to-day life, it would sell.

[wayfaringwordhack]

Oh dear, you give me much too much credit. I live the most boring life possible, methinks, no matter my geographic locale. ROFL.

[mallorys_camera]

I live the most boring life possible

Ironically, that's precisely why your life is interesting. 😀 People are wondering, How can life be boring in Beirut?😀

[sauronnaise]

I have not been faithful about keeping this space up to date.
I've been guilty of that too.

So, yes, we are back in Lebanon, despite there being no improvement in the situation, instead arguably a worsening. But it is not frightening on a personal level. There is danger in the air, but we are not the target or near the areas/people that are. And so we will remain here en famille until something changes.
Yeah... I have an online friend from Lebanon as well and I DM him every now and then to make sure it's fine. It's a scary situation.

I would like to write, but at the moment, I am not at all in that headspace.
Well, you already have one artistic/creative goal you'd like to pursue, it's a good start!

Kudos to the 'stupid people' tag

[wayfaringwordhack]

I've been guilty of that too. It is so easy to fall off the journaling wagon, isn't it???

Where is your friend located? Hopefully he is also out of the most dangerous areas.

Well, you already have one artistic/creative goal you'd like to pursue, it's a good start!
I am beginning to think the wanting to "make and do and EXCEL" in *all* areas is the bane of creatively-inclined people. Ahem. Or maybe that is just me. ;)

Isn't it depressing that a "stupid people" tag is even needed? But let's face it, in this world, I could have a tag that is a lot spicier. LOL

[sauronnaise]

It is so easy to fall off the journaling wagon, isn't it???
When you don't make it a habit, it sure is easy to forget ^^'

He's in the Beirout/Beyrout/how is it spelled with the Latin script/the capital city area.

Understandable. I'm now ok with being utter poop at things I recently started for my personal pleasure. I'm not ok with underperforming at work lol It'll bite me in the butt, one day. I have to learn to relax.

We have a word in Québec French : cave (both a noun and an adjective. Un cave; un gars cave). It's like dumb, idiot and stupid but in the exasperated sense of the word. For more emphasis, you can add a sacre, a swear word, like « un osti d'cave ».

[wayfaringwordhack]

Hopefully, your friend is not around southern Beirut (or Beyrouth in French) near the airport.

Ah, interesting about the use of "cave" in Québec French ! I love how languages evolve according to region and culture. My husband is French, and when we visited Louisiana, he was amazed at the different meanings (and pronunciations) creole had given his native language. ;)

[sauronnaise]

He said all was good on his side and his family's. Thankfully.

I love le français cadien! There are more similarities with Québec French that I had expected. They are different enough however, but we can mutually understand each other with enough concentration (just like French Canadians and Acadians can understand each other with enough willpower. It might get trickier with Chiac, but it's not all bad. Some accents and dialects from Europe and Africa are more difficult to get from my POV than French from the Canada, the US and the Carribeans. Which is a no-brainer considering I'm North American myself, of course I'd say such a thing haha). The only thing that bugs me off is that Cadiens spell « asteur » but we spell it « asteure » over here. It's a minus detail. Nothing too offensive. But it marked my brain for some reason.

[michaelboy]

Sounds like you are faced with much uncertainty as you head into this new year. I hope for peace and a more settled time as you course through this new year.

[wayfaringwordhack]

Given my family's life choices, it is probably fairly apparent that we are not adverse to Change and The New, but ugh the limbo and the uncertainty are just the worst. Once a decision is made, you can start moving into it, but the waiting... oof.

[asakiyume]

That sounds like a *lot* of good work at the farmstead! All those tenderly cared for raspberries and otherberries!

I wish you were there with them instead of in Lebanon... but also, if your plans work better with J having another year there, I hope the high-handed boss doesn't wreck things.

[wayfaringwordhack]

LOL. After reading your comment, I realized it was a LOT about the berries. And I forgot to mention that for the first time ever, our goji berry bush had a wee bit of fruit! Such a beautiful sight those bright red, elongated berries hanging like miniature Christmas lights from airy gray-green withies!

So many reasons why it would be great just to be back home in France and not have to leave. If only it weren't for the stupid educational system playing the Big Butt-inskies. :P

[asakiyume]

I hope you're able to make your dreams come true about finding a place to live where you can raise your kids the way you want AND grow ALL THE BERRIES. Meantime--strength to you!

[wayfaringwordhack]

I'll raise a glass to that!

[wayfaringwordhack]

Oh, and still nothing official about the contract, but maybe just maybe J isn't one of the one's concerned. And apparently...well, actually, you know how I get paranoid sometimes. I will email you.

[asakiyume]

email is definitely better for stuff like this.