The Land of Limbo

[wayfaringwordhack]

 Have I ever said here how happy I am that we kept our house in France when we moved to Lebanon?  I think I have.  A couple of times.  But that doesn't stop me from continuing to want to express my gratitude.  We are so blessed to have our home as a safe haven in this time of intense conflict in Lebanon.  Yes, J has to be in Beirut for work and can't leave, but the kids and I are removed from the stress and noise and fear.

We should have gone back to Beirut this coming Sunday, but not only are those plans scratched on our own part, Air France has suspended all flights until at least Oct 26.  We have friends who have now left Lebanon, planning to return (or consider return) only after the holidays.  This alleviates them of the burden of constantly assessing how Israel's war on terrorism is evolving.   J and I haven't really discussed how we will decide when it is safe to return, but I have ordered enough firewood to see us through the winter.  We heat exclusively with wood here in France.

Now I am wondering if I should mulch my fallow garden plot in anticipation of being here next spring and summer.  I won't re-skin the greenhouse--I don't even know if I could do that without J (but I bet I could with enough determination and the kids' help)--but it would be nice to have some of our own food next summer.  Farmer Boy told me he really misses the garden and growing our own veggies.  I need to evaluate what are the things I can do for as little effort with as much payoff as possible that won't gut me if I have to abandon them midway due to a return to Lebanon.  What will set the land up for success without draining me or resources if all comes to naught?

Mulching seems like a pretty good plan.  If I don't have a garden, oh well, I am just out some time and hay and the land got a nitrogen boost.  More nettles in my future, but that is not that big of a deal if we don't go back and I am ready to pop in some seeds or plants.  

There are a lot of other things I can do this fall, like finally prune all the trees and bushes I haven't been able to take care of the past couple of years.  I am still a bit tired from our recent trip to the States, but I need to shake it off and make a plan to get through the Limbo in a healthy way.

Comments

[asakiyume]

Sending you strength and love for this protracted time of uncertainty. Had there been no war, how long would J's contract (and hence your stay) in Lebanon have been for?

[wayfaringwordhack]

The contract is still on and we are still expected to stay until July's end 2026. The only way it would all change is if outright war is declared and the embassy shuts, which would be a very bad thing because it would mean the situation is hopelessly dangerous for the foreseeable future. "Recent" closures have been Syria and Afghanistan and neither of those are anywhere near reopening.

[asakiyume]

Well I guess I hope for the sake of all the people in the area that things become safe and stable enough for you to be able to return and finish out the contract.

[wayfaringwordhack]

I know. I always feel a twinge of guilt about the way my expat self is dealing with this tragedy. We have the means to get out and get away (as do many, many Lebanese), but there are so many people with no out, so many lives and livelihoods being irrevocably lost or ruined.😢

[asakiyume]

Ahh my dear. You can't help your circumstances any more than they can help theirs. Don't feel guilty.

[mallorys_camera]

I, too, am glad you have the house in France. I have been wondering how you're faring.

[wayfaringwordhack]

We are very well, thank you🥰. Our hardships of separation and worry over Julien are really nothing compared to what most are dealing with.

[michaelboy]

I glad to hear you're safe. I just can't imagine living with the uncertainty unleased around these conflicts. Stay warm in the coming months and I am wishing you peace.

[wayfaringwordhack]

The uncertainty is certainly the most trying. Which is why I am sitting at my laptop, drafting that plan I mentioned in my post. We need a bit of normalcy and routine in our days to combat the shadow of the unknown and unknowable, a shadow, I find, which flirts along the border of Overwhelm when chaos is its cause rather than the simple vagaries of life.

[tolcath]

I'm happy you kept the house, too!

[wayfaringwordhack]

One of our best decisions ever!

[dray]

Been a few days since the post. How was the mulchening? Are you getting into the chiller temperatures yet or are you still getting a bit of respite?

(Enjoy some wood-smoke smell for me! Our current place won't allow fire-burning stoves, full stop.)

[wayfaringwordhack]

The kids and I did mulch about a third of the garden, big enough for some potatoes and broad beans, both things I can put in now to harvest next summer without any upkeep/attention on our part between now and then.😀

My husband is coming home tonight for a two-week visit (it's a surprise for the kids, and I am so excited), and he'll be able to help get a few more things done, too, like chipping some wood for further mulch. Still no news about when we will go back.

A friend is coming to sweep our chimneys tomorrow, so, while it is not quite cold enough to warrant lighting the stoves, I have fires burning as I type (lovely woodsmoke smells wreathing our garden now) because one of the chimneys had a hornet's nest in it. Want to make sure they are all dead or gone. Our friend is allergic to wasps and doesn't want to see if that carries over to hornets. Understandable. 😝