The Wayfaring Wordhack

I don't know if I should be coming back to LJ-land yet, but well, here I am.  I went offline to force myself to get some writing done, and I did, two chapters' worth (4.5K words).  But I'm still three chapters away from the end. I knew when I decided to write the story that these chapters would be the toughest, hence why I saved them for last. I'm not sure now that that was such a brilliant idea. It makes getting to The End that much harder. As if finishing a book needs to be any harder.

I need to do what all writers and concerned friends of writers counsel and Just Write the First Draft. I know that, but the fears of inadequacy, they cripple me.  And they have spilled over into my dreams of late.

In one dream, I had to infiltrate a diabolical sect, but I couldn't even worship the Devil correctly. He refused me!

Last night, I dreamed that I could not take a photograph to save my life. Everything was against me: the light faded; no matter how hard I tried, the image refused to be framed correctly; the camera malfunctioned. Lots of factors outside my control, but I stupidly just kept pushing the button, pushing the button. Finally I turned to another subject, but again, everything went wrong. I thought that I should stop and check my camera, see if it was on, if it had charged batteries, etc. but no, I kept pushing the button.

So I woke up this morning, secure in the knowledge that I feel inadequate, that I have performance anxiety.  Only, I already knew that.  What I need now is the kick to get me past it.

I don't know what to do besides accept that this draft will not be perfect--nor will the next--and just keep typing one word after the next. Yet, that feels frighteningly like pushing the button.

Any advice from the masses who have trod this hellishly hard way before me?

 Forgot to report last night, so:

Yesterday - 1502
Today - 2107

Will complete Lelo's 4th chapter tomorrow and hopefully make headway on Srila's 7th. That is the plan anyhow. If the brain does not continue to rebel.

I completed another chapter today.

This, my friends, is what we call a roll.

words today: 2383

Chapter total: 2622

Chapters to completion: 6

Completion target: July 1 

Acceptable completion date: July 15

But I don't *cough* have a goal or anything.

Oh, and I passed 100K tonight. Woot?

 Wrote an entire chapter today. 2412 words.  Oh, ok, 309 words of the chapter's 2721 total are from months ago, but still: Yay, me!

Make that 4 Srila chapters to write and 4 for Lelo!

I don't think I can keep us this rhythm for the rest of the month, but I'll take each accomplishment as it comes.

As threatened:

54,413 / 60,000 (90.0%)

Not making much headway on my WIP on the new word front, but I have had some good discussions about it with writer buddies that have lead me to some much-needed solutions. I realized that I can't write a truly coherent, much less resonant, ending to the story as it stands. I have to go back and put in too much, build up character, etc for it to be worth my while to stress over the ending now. However, finish this draft I will. And before the end of December. It will take me less words than planned though because it needs must resemble a glorified outline more than true narrative. Not that I plan on writing crap (uh, yeah, Miquela, what have you written so far?); I just know that sparse is better when the thing has to be gutted anyway. Forward motion, O Spartan Drafter!

There have been a few words, so I'll do a meter (notice I've dropped my expected total from 80K to 60K):

52,020 / 60,000 (86.0%)

I'm participating in  FiReNoMo.  This is just what I need to help me get this first draft finished.  I'm such a sucker for writing challenges.  Unfortunately I only found out yesty and I had been taking a few days off to play with TiddlyWiki.  Fun, fun!

As things stand with the WIP, I have 50,275.  I'm thinking I have five major scenes to show in order to finish this skeleton.  So, I'm going to say I need 30K more.  That's the number I'll be aiming for to make concrete progress reports, but my true goal is to finish this ugly first draft.

1563 words today. Only 600 some to get my 25K for January