Am I the Wayfaring Wordhack or not

[wayfaringwordhack]

I have been thinking lately of how my handle here doesn't really reflect my life at the moment. I still have stories in me, I am sure. I just don't spend a lot of time with that part of myself these days.

Recently, after my health issues climaxed, leaving me pretty rundown,  J left for a week of training down by my mil's house. He took our three kids with him, so I could have some R&R time. It was difficult to allow myself to just take it easy at first, but I ended up spending days reading. Being back in the storyworlds of others made me want to look at my own.  Knowing that I am probably not going to be able to drown myself in writing like I could in my pre-kid and pre-homestead days, I chose to dust off my first stand-alone novel, The Traveler's Daughter, and just read through it without allowing myself to take notes or edit.

The first four chapters were painful. I was cringing right and left over how overworked and stilted everything was. Over how it was a mixture of rushed, overly dense, and fraught with amateurish mystery. I heartily feared for the rest of the novel, but by the time I got to chapter 5, I started to enjoy myself more. I still love the story. I still love the characters.  After the decade of distance I now have, I can see some changes I need to make (actually I had already written up many before I moved away from the story all those years ago). However, I haven't started anything with it yet because of a couple things.

First, I don't have plans to publish or seek publishing at this point. I know that when I do, I will want to have more finished and polished works on offer simply because I know that is what the market demands. And speaking of demands, I have enough on my life right now, thank you very much.  

So, do I believe in this story enough to do give into the demands required for its revision? I enjoyed rereading it, but upon completion, I didn't immediately dive back into edits. Does that mean I don't have the love it takes? Will the love come back the more time I spend? Will I get so sucked in that I completely ignore everything else and get snippy with everyone who interrupts me? I don't want to be that person, but I fear I easily could.

A lot of rhetorical questions, I know.  

After rereading my 2016 NaNo middle grade fiction that I may or may not have mentioned on here, I didn't revise it either.

I think I have a severe case of Lack of Self-Judgment/Analysis/Distance when it comes to my own work. I might like stuff, but I don't see it being something that anyone else would want to spend time with or money on. Please note that this is not fishing for compliments. This is the admittedly stupid act of trying to think for a market.

Stupid or not, I need to think of the success of my stories out in the world. Because if I take time to put stuff out there, I want to make money on it. I am a stay-at-home mom with no source of income in a family that needs income for its homestead*, AND I have a husband who has passions of his own, which he could pursue more comfortably if I could put my passion to work supplementing our earnings.

This is feeling like a much needed pep talk to take my hobbies (rusty** though they are) more seriously.

Which means another pep talk about rigor and discipline is also needed.

__________
* We live simply overall, but self-sufficiency is not truly our goal, and the mechanic doesn't barter for car repairs, neither do utility services. I want a milk cow, but I have to be able to buy fencing, etc... You know, life stuff.

** Oh. My. Word. are they rusty. That is the second in the "couple of things" that is keeping me from diving back into it.

Comments

[pjthompson]

It's interesting how quickly those rusty skill sets come back online, though, once you start pursuing them diligently. You have so much life happening right now that I understand how making time to do what you love may seem selfish, but it isn't. Your choices/decisions are perfectly valid, though. You can only do what you can, and you shouldn't push to the point of exhaustion. Maybe a compromise of carving out an hour or two a week? Only you can judge the validity of that. (And screw the pep talk about rigor and discipline.)

I'm in a similar boat. Although in theory I have scads of time, it never seems to work out that way. I want my stuff out there (more as a legacy kind of thing) but I don't care at this point if I make money. I think Venus In Transit is good enough to shop to agents, but I don't have the commitment to publication I once had and I don't want to send it out if I'm not going to do the work on other things. And I definitely don't have the energy for a hardcore writing schedule that I once had. So I may try self-publishing or publishing through a website—God knows.

[wayfaringwordhack]

I pray you are right about those rusty skills! :D

(And screw the pep talk about rigor and discipline.)

ROFL. Yes, screw it. Just do it. ;) Kidding. But really, I agree with what you said about finding a valid path and "schedule" for myself.

Although in theory I have scads of time, it never seems to work out that way.

I know, right!? Time has a funny way of never flowing or unfolding the way you think it should/will.

I get you with the publication. As you say, similar boat. We could be rowing together.

[green_knight]

I don't have the commitment to publication I once had

I've pretty much given up on pursuing the traditional route: I've seen so many of my friends swallowed whole and spit out by trad publishing that I don't really want to get onto that carousel.

Doesn't mean I'm not writing.

[pjthompson]

Same here. Even if I had the energy to pursue like I used to (I don't) I doubt I'd be allowed to write the things I want to write in the way I want to write them. And the writing is the essential thing for me. I suspect I will either self-pub or slap it up on a website—but that's more of a legacy issue rather than an attempt to make money. I've given up on that as well. :-)

[asakiyume]

What I've seen of your writing I thought was marvelous--inventive and rich. You can't do everything at once, and you're doing an awful lot right now, so it's not surprising that you don't instantly jump in to revise/create more. But I feel sure that if you turn your energies to writing, you'll revise/create work that satisfies you.

Getting writing to make money, though, beyond the occasional welcome windfall... that's another story. It's not impossible, but if you make serious money generation one of your goals, I fear it adds a layer of extra heartache and frustration.

[wayfaringwordhack]

Thanks for these thoughts and encouragement about my writing.

And writing for money: Yeah, the pointlessness of this pursuit for monetary gain is so well-engrained in me that I have never felt guilt (well, not since those early days of starting a book almost 20 years ago) over not trying to make a living from it. The publishing field is so different now. I didn't feel comfy with it then, and I certainly don't now. Not from the previous gatekeeper aspect, and not from the busting my tail to do everything needed for running a business as well as writing aspect...

I think the thought of writing for money just comes out of a sense of guilt of J having to continue in a profession that he hates to keep the family afloat. Even though I accept the reality of not making a fortune (or even steady income) from writing, I think what else do I *want* to do that could make money? I think I am not making a lot of sense. Too rushed wanting to answer but knowing I needed to get out and plant seeds for my fall garden. :P

[asakiyume]

You're making perfect sense! You want to spare him having to work at something he hates!

Right now, though, his job is doing a lot for both of you and for the family as a whole (namely, supporting your homesteading). That's something that probably even he's grateful to the job for, even while hating the job. But he shouldn't be stuck in it; I agree. I just have this terrible fear of turning passions into workhorses--for all sorts of reasons, all of which I'm sure you can imagine.

Instead, for him *and* for you--though less you right now, because you're doing an important family piece by being with small children--is to think about what things are out there in the world that you (he) *could* do that could support the family and that wouldn't take such a psychic toll. Doing something that's even slightly less awful for him than his current job could make him a lot happier, and then both of you could keep your passions as passions.

Whew, that is a **lot** of unsolicited advice. i apologize in advance, and please feel free to totally disregard. You guys have good heads, and you're making a dream come true already with your farm, and I think you'll continue to find solutions--ones I can't even imagine. I'm rooting for you <3

[wayfaringwordhack]

The good thing is that he has his blacksmithing and it is making him some money! Posting about that is one of the things I compose in my head but haven't made time to blog about. :P. And the returns are a lot more concrete and immediate than writing related stuff.

And never fear to give me (us) unsolicited advice. :P Getting input from different angles is always beneficial, even if it just serves to show us what we don't want to do, what won't work, etc.

*hugs*

[queenoftheskies]

Sometimes, our creative brains need a rest. That includes the skills that accompany writing. Sometimes, you just need to write FOR YOURSELF without judging, or even wondering if someone else will like it.

If you let the story live and breathe with you--don't put stress on it or yourself--you might be amazed at what results. Both you and your writing skill and your story grow AND recharge together.

You never lose your skills. They grow with you even when you're not using them. Imagination, observation, thinking...they all add up to writing skills that we use every day.

I hope you can get rested up from your health issues. Those are terrible to deal with. They have the potential to take away time, energy, and enjoyment of everything.

Feel better. And don't give up before you even start.

If bringing in money is your goal, then your consideration of self-publishing might be best. Traditional publishing requires so much WAIT time and then not a lot of money trickling in at first. (I don't know firsthand. Friends who are traditionally published have told me this.)

I'm going to self-publish because of my age. Even if my work was accepted, I have so many stories, can I really afford to wait three years each for them to maybe be published.

I have a friend who write erotica. She makes $1,000/month (now that she's established self-publishing) by tossing up new stories (20 pages each) once/month.

The moral of that story is NOT that everyone needs to write erotica, but that one CAN make money with self-publishing. I guess it just depends the effort we put into it and whether or not we connect with the right readers.

Be good to yourself. Be good to your writing.

[wayfaringwordhack]

Thanks for this message, Janice. You are right on so many counts. And thinks for the encouraging reminder not to give up before I start.

Self-publishing might be in my future someday, but right now, I know I have waaaaay too many balls in the air to even contemplate it. :P