wayfaringwordhack: (writing - plot problem)
My last post from almost two months ago mentioned I was going to try to write 750 words today.  Let's just cut straight to the chase and say that has not happened.   I have been writing* but not setting--or achieving--any daily goals for myself.  I have done lots of research into various story-related things; I have polished up my first four chapters because that is the way I write**, and I have been doing quite a bit of art.

I have also been doing the mothering-thing, the living-in-a-new-country-and-making-new-friends-thing, and generally achieving a state of exhaustion helped in part by sick kids and my own seasonal allergies.  Here I sit, one fever blister*** and one sprained ankle later, with a fairly un-itchy mouth, wondering ruefully why I bothered to post a public goal about my hoped-for achievements...

Wondering why I am going to speak of another goal I am setting for myself.  But there you have it because there you have moi.  

Last week a friend, H, came over, who is also into making art.  She asked what my goal/drive for my children's book is (the one I want to illustrate myself).  When I told her, she said, "No wonder you can't finish it; you are putting way too much pressure on the project." 

Because I canNOT undo the way I see this book or just do a "cutting my teeth" version of it (unless I want to do a crap draft and then an overhaul draft, which fills me with fatigue just thinking about it), I have decided to put it aside in favor of some other, less-complex ideas.  I am setting myself a goal of doing art everyday, broken down into three categories:  1) Copy-to-learn; 2) Book specific studies; 3) Just for fun.   I am aiming for two out of three per day, with achieving all three considered icing on the cake.  The "copy-to-learn"  is actually broken down into two types of copying:  continuing to work my way through Peter Han's Dynamic Bible AND copying an illustration from a pinterest board of styles I like created for this purpose.

No sooner had I decided on this new course than I had a dream about a good idea for a new book, so between that one and a story I made up ages ago for Sprout, when she wanted "stories from my mouth," I have a couple of Cut My Teeth projects ready to go.

Wish me better luck on this.  Oh, and of course, I still want to write everyday.
_____________
* I now have 15+K on it.

** I have to keep going over something until I feel like I have nailed the voice and place before I can make headway with something.  The only thing I was able to really write from beginning to end and not do that on was a story for NaNo where the voice pretty much occurred to me right away and the story lent itself to discovery of place and people along the way since the MC was on the move at the end of chapter one.

*** I get fever blisters or shingles attacks whenever I get really tired. 
wayfaringwordhack: (writing - plot problem)
I have been thinking lately of how my handle here doesn't really reflect my life at the moment. I still have stories in me, I am sure. I just don't spend a lot of time with that part of myself these days.

Expandherein lies some rambling rambles )
wayfaringwordhack: (art - pondering)
Valentine's Day, 1980, my older sister came home from school with a drawing for my mother. It was of a heart, a long heart, a bit pinched at the top and stretched out on the bottom, like a fought-over piece of taffy. My mother laughed. Not a nice laugh.  And when I heard her, my heart hurt for my sister. Even before I saw my sister's face, I knew that my mother's laugh had done something to her. Sure enough, I never saw my sister draw again. She was 7.

A while back, an aunt of mine mailed some pictures to me at my mil's house. Because I was impatient to see them, I asked my mil to open the envelope and show them to me via SKype.  Enclosed was a drawing I had done when I was 7.

miq giraffe 7.5 yrs

When she saw it, my mil laughed. Not a nice laugh.  "Ha! Look how big you made the giraffe! You sure don't know anything about proportions, do you!?" Knowing that my mil is not artistically inclined herself and being well over the age of 7 myself, I was able to dismiss her jibes, but part of me thought, How hurtful would that laughter have been to me as a child?



As it was, I was pretty chuffed at how well I had done without a reference photo, without Wikipedia around to let me know that giraffes don't eat apples. And I know from up close and personal experience just how big giraffes are, so the joke is on her, so to speak.

And then this, from a journal entry 23.04.2013:
I also want to do some rough sketches for Beanie and the fish book idea I have...I remember now that once upon a time, while I was at university, I thought about writing and illustrating children's books. A forgotten dream! Another thing I let people discourage me from with tales of "It's too hard/near impossible to break into."  And instead of using their "helpful," well-intentioned discouragements to work harder, I took their comments as a veiled way of saying that I wasn't good enough and left it at that. I could have used them as fuel to practice and improve.



Instead, I gave up, thinking, "Well, my passion isn't deep enough. Guess that means it isn't my calling."



Well, to hell with well-intentioned discouragements and misplaced laughter. I'm trying my hand at it anyhow.  To quote again from that journal entry: Don't fold. Resist. Keep trying. Get better.

wayfaringwordhack: (art: monk)
Art is partly communication, but only partly. The rest is discovery. -William Golding, novelist, playwright, poet, Nobelist (1911-1993)

The above is a quote that I received in my inbox.  Very apt as I'm working on my painting and am a bit terrified of moving on (read: messing up). I thought I had a better paint selection on hand than what I actually have, so now the question is: Continue with the discovery or put progress on hold until I buy more paint.  My creative impulse is telling me to 'Get out and make your own discoveries!*' but my mind is screaming, "Don't you dare ruin it!"

In any case, I have the underpainting done in raw umber and burnt sienna:

underpainting


_________________
*Paraphrasing Dr. Scott, who, at the end of each episode of the cartoon "Dinosaur Train," encourages kids to:  "Get outside, get into nature and make your own discoveries!"
wayfaringwordhack: (Sprout: !!!)
So, an oil painting in order to feel accomplished, not like an utter hack...

Yeah, look under the cut to see how that worked out for me.

ExpandRead more... )
wayfaringwordhack: (the reader - fragonard)
After chatting with [livejournal.com profile] slmcgaw and then [livejournal.com profile] rabiagale, I've narrowed down my playing field to a comfortable dimension. I now have a tentative structure that will allow me to bring in all of the elements that excite me about the location, history, and characters; clearly defined character arcs; and an overarching motif to give the whole the coherency it needed.

Toward the end of our conversation, [livejournal.com profile] rabiagale asked me, "Are you always this ambitious?" Yes, I think I am. This time, though, I'm trying not to let the fear of failure confine my ideas and bridle my creativity. But already, even before starting, the certainty that I can't make it work (ie make the final product match the mental dream) is my constant companion in all my research moments.

This afternoon, [livejournal.com profile] mana_trini so encouragingly said, "You're insane. What you're proposing sounds so difficult, but I love you because you don't let that insanity brake you." Thank you, love. I think. :-P He then proceeded to say, "You're going to sell this, and then we are going to be so rich. I'm going to have three specialized spearguns and four surf boards and a huge sailboat. Oh man, we're going to be rolling on the dough."

ETA J actually said: "You don't let the FEAR of insanity brake you."
wayfaringwordhack: (paper flames)

“What are you trying to do to me?” is a thing I whiningly asked my mind on a regular basis these past few days as I fought to come to a decision. You see, my brain has taken an idea and literally gone wild with it. The idea is huge, too huge for this small brain, I tell you.  If brain thinks I can pull this off, then brain is going to have to be super cooperative and be willing to learn, to grow, to question more deeply, to...study and Research. Yeah, Research with a capital R because if I go along with the mind’s latest schemes and machinations, this isn’t going to be a project where imagination trumps facts. Yes, well, imagination will win out--I'm a fantasist and write fiction--but to make use of the brain’s twisty turns, there have to be a lot of veracious details.

Because of these developments, I am going to have to stop NaNo. There is just no way I can write this novel right now. I have lots of Research to tend to first. Another option has occurred to me, but I'm unsure of it. I could write on another project for a few hours a day (I can usually get my NaNo words in 1-2hrs), and use the rest of my time to dig and poke at the Big Story. I'm afraid of not being able to maintain momentum, though. I tend to get sucked into one thing and go at it whole hog. Nevertheless, part of me just hates giving up something I've started. *sigh* In this case, I think I need to do what is best for me and that means removing the pressure. But something else is bothering me: I can see the new project taking a loooong time to get finished. It would be nice to have something "lighter" in the works, too. Could it just be a matter of discipline and acting like a  professional, a matter of better organizing my time?

What to do, what to do? Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it? Anyone have advice?

wayfaringwordhack: (monk)
The first thing I remember wanting to be--I was seven--when I grew up was...a tattoo artist. Yes, really. And, naturally, my family fully supported me in this. I was allowed to draw on my sisters and brother to practice, even on my mom from time to time. My absolute favorite thing to "tattoo" was cherries, two cherries, connected at the top by their stems, with a single leaf, thank you, not two. And those handy clicky pens with four different colors were perfect because there was black--click--red--click--green. I even found a nice 10"X13" piece of paneling (you know, the kind all trailer walls used to be covered with) and drew my "catalogue" on the back. From memory, amongst the things I proposed my clientèle were a swan, a parrot, a rose-like flower (surely you know the type--the ones that look more like chrysanthemums with squat, pointy petals, somewhat like this--> } ), a daisy, a peace sign, a horse (head or whole body), a Harley Davidson (I wasn't really happy with the lines at the time--thought them a tad clumsy--but it was my first attempt. Being positive that all reputable tattoo parlors must have a motorcycle on offer, I was forced to keep it), and, of course, the infamous cherries. However, I generously agreed to tattoo as few as one and as many as three, depending on the client's wishes.


ETA: I called the artist and set up a lesson for Saturday. Go me.

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